1. Thinking about '-ism's while running, a good thing?
Kolkata is not a 'Cosmopolitan City', as so often proudly touted. I'm not actually criticizing the city for its very nature, only stating that proclaiming cosmopolitanism might be a little audacious and hasty, might indicate the desires of a certain upwardly mobile middle class, rather than reality itself. To explain, before moving here I was incredibly excited about the prospect of living within Indian cosmopolitanism, about the chance to live in a city where given a little bit of time I would be able to assimilate and no longer carry with me the stigma of some inherent 'otherness'. Thinking about this while running through the park today, pocketing my usual collection of stares as I went about my business, I've realized that a truly 'cosmopolitan' city is a nexus of otherness itself, a collection of others existing within the bounds of a placeless and global culture more connected to its inhabitants and their global networks than to its intrinsic geography. If a city exists within a true state of cosmopolitanism, a true dissolution of differentiation and hierarchical citizenship, then in addition to its culture, its very citizens should be global and to some degree placeness, creating a moment of difficulty when attempting to identify real citizenship. Meaning, in New York City, one of the most cosmopolitan of all cities, there is no way to determine by color, nationality, religion, or even language who is or isn't a true citizen of the city and its culture. The city exists as such a conglomeration of cultures and people that the global, the international, the other becomes the very fabric and constituency of culture and society. It is through this very ease with which one can assimilate and appear the citizen that the contest of true 'New York' citizenship arises, more an indicator of social issues such as gentrification than a mark against cosmopolitanism. In contrast, in Kolkata, I will never be considered a citizen, will never be considered anything other than a foreigner no matter how long I stay here. By the very fact that assimilation here is ultimately impossible is to me an iron-clad indication of anti-cosmopolitanism.
This might be an errant definition; I'm not sure of the actual dictionary entry. However, how else can a city's cosmopolitanism be measured? Should it be measured by its culture, by the number of foreign influences at play, by the number of foreign foods available and the degree to which they might eventually become mundane and familiar, by the number of foreign goods and brands sitting gleaming on store shelves, their prices converted into local currency and carrying within a hidden import fee? By these measures Kolkata is nearing a penultimacy of cosmopolitanism: Imported gouda cheese available by the over-priced kilo, American and European music tinkly away in air-conditioned malls, English literature available in stacks sitting near most major intersections. However, it is the very conscious repeated use of the word 'foreign' that indicates these things indicate a global economy, yet a culture and people who remain ultimately local. Foreignness is fetishized rather than becoming a readilly recognizable culture itself.
Furthermore, culture is not divorced from its people who lend it form and affect. If the color of a person's skin immediately makes one an outsider no matter the circumstances, to the point where it becomes clear one will never be able to assimilate into society at large, yet simultaneously this foreigner's culture is being enthusiastically commodified and consumed as exciting, Western, and novel, isn't there a fault of hypocrisy at work? Symbols of larger cultural systems cannot be appropriated piecemeal and superficially as entertainment and considered cosmopolitanism if they are completely divorced from an acceptance of foreigners themselves, the building blocks of this culture. No matter how much Kolkata becomes international and global in its culture, accepting the material and thoughts of the 'other' and attempting an ownership thereof, without ever actually accepting the other as the citizen himself, without seeing the local and the global dissolve into a simultaneous singularity of otherness and cosmopolitan identity, Kolkata will never become cosmopolitan. The day someone of white skin or some other obviously distinguishing mark of otherness can walk down the street without a single hoot or holler, without being thrown terms for 'foreigner' as insults in and of themselves, will be the day that this city can truly proclaim its cosmopolitanism, rather than merely holding up a false facade of global culture while simultaneous rejecting a global citizenry.
2. Dead things in streets
Today on the way to school we passed a dead body being carried by a few-dozen person strong funeral party westward along the main road. The body was lain upon a stretcher, completely covered with white flowers save to dark weathered looking feet emerging from the bottom. The followers steps seemed oddly peppy and jolly, like their were on a fantastic morning walk. As the body passed bystanders on the sidewalk stood and turned, doing penance to this anonymous dead body lost in a tidy current of lillies. Later, while walking back from a momo and jaggery yogurt dinner I stepped on the head of an enormous and mostly squished rat lying in the street, its body flattened yet its head remaining solid and pristine. A shout from a friend kept me from actually stepping down with any force, not actually crushing... popping the head beneath my foot but a felt the gentle pressure around the ball of my foot of a rat head through the thin soles of my flip flops today. I consider that an accomplishment of sorts.
3. Sabzi Wallah Cellphone
The Sabzi Wallah Kid (the passing subject of many past entries) got a new cellphone very recently. He likes it a lot and plays with it while sitting on the sacs of potatos. It is also a music player so he listens to it with earbuds, though so loud it every jaunty Indian beat is audible. Everything (cellphones, movies, horns) is incredibly loud hear, probably because everyone is partially deaf from the constant buzz of traffic. He sits outside most days on the side of the road so he must have quite a bit of hearing loss. But at least he can now play Xenia Snake and Pocket Carrom at his liesure.
4. Ten times dissonant
Listening to M.I.A. in...
01. (India)
02. A place often called 'The Third World'
03. A place called 'The Developing World'
04. A place dominated by a 'brown' population
05. A place where there is a constant ebb and flow of terrorist activities and bombings
06. A place where people regularly march and protest in the streets
07. A place where hammer and sickles are emblazoned on most buildings
08. A place where most people haven't heard of M.I.A. and wouldn't understand her language
09. A place where urban and social infrastructure is in constant decay and degradation
10. A place where words like 'left-front', 'communism', 'opposition-group' (etc) mean something
...is really strange and brings about a funny guilty nausea.
September 29, 2008
September 22, 2008
Week Fourteen (Deus Ex.... Chinese Moonscape)
This week two detached but rather fun anecdotes from the more sundry moments of the recent day to day...
1. Deus ex Machina
Walking to the institute, my roommate noticed several of the cars we were passing had a touch of flair added to their hoods, sitting in stark contrast to the blustery monsoon sky overhead: a garland of marigolds tenderly draped across a gleaming grill or banana leaves tucked behind the ears of a set of headlights, creating a jaunty torch-like effect. Seeing as these decorations were fairly subtle by Indian standards, and rather well dispersed, I thought nothing of it. However his suspicions of a 'machinery' puja taking place were in fact correct. Wednesday and Thursday this past week marked a two-day puja to our leaden cohabitants. As the day wore on more cars plied the streets in similar style, as buses hurtled down busy streets bedecked across the whole of their boxy torsos in a network of garlands and tinsel, like overweight pubescents on the way to prom. Factories big and small closed up, the machinery given a couple days rest while the workers themselves apparently employed themselves with drinking and hollering. Even tiny xerox booths on the street were shuttered, their door-jambs peppered with flower petals, book-ended by tiny green coconuts and terracotta. The neurological scanning clinic on the ground floor of my building was closed, also bedazzled. Pujas have blossomed suddenly on the streets, and the use of a rather friendly, benign, female deity for the representation of this mechanized god is quite interesting. While at first this rather graceful tender figure seemed discordant with the clang and soot of a taxi or a backyard coal hopper, on second thought it makes perfect sense within the common misogynistic perspective. Just as a machine does a man's will under his expectations, never straying save for a malfunction or wear and tear for which he is ultimately responsible, so does this ultra-feminine, delicate goddess represent and fulfill an idealized patriarchal power dynamic. And so man's manifestations of cogs and ball bearings gain something very obviously akin to his desired plunder and domination of the sweetly perfumed bosom. Oh, elbow grease...
2. Chinese Industrial Moonscape with Restaurant (and Bar)
I went the wrong way to get somewhere yesterday. In Kolkata there are a couple 'china-towns', though while I can't speak for the one I have not yet visited, the older 'Tangra' neighborhood Chinatown was nothing like the mixture of sheen and grit that can be found in Amerikan Chinatowns - the familiar strings of alternating fish markets and bubble tea shops spun about a collection of blocks effacing the downtown of most major cities. I'm still not entirely sure if I saw the real 'China-town', though it was where I was pointed to as I asked tea-sipping old-folk on the street for the 'China-lokder jayga', or the 'place of the China people'. (To backtrack for a moment, how I ended up where I did end up...) Rather than asking locals or friends how to get to this part of the city, and where to go within it, I decided that I could simply walk east towards it from a point along the subway route, and sooner or later easilly run into it, red bean buns and paper lanterns announcing my arrival with great pomp. However, Kolkata is not a city of continuity and gradual variation. Rather, through the rather fierce segmentation of the city by railroads, highways and flyovers, government and army installations, and anything else large and imposing, along with social and religious division, what appear to be condensed rural villages suddenly appear along the road leading from a posh inner-city suburb, rice paddies and water tanks interspersed with shopping malls and high-rise condominiums without obvious patterns or planning. Thusly, rather than enjoying a simple walk from downtown Kolkata, from the crowds of shoppers buying their new limes and vermilions for puja, to the golds and maroons of a friendly Chinatown, I first spent an inordinate amount of time walking through neighborhoods of car repair shops and wholesale foam-goods distributors, followed by finding myself caught up in the tumult of the second main train station, Sealdah. I began to cross over the station by way of confusing curving elevated highways with sidewalks, skipping over what momentarily became pastoral below, women in bright saris sauntering about the grass between the railroad tracks below. As I continued, from this point onwards the stares I recieved became more frequent and intense, a mixture of mild hostility and curiosity growing more palpable for the sweaty whitey walking around neighborhoods that have names to very few. Roads gave way to dirt, until suddenly a hollowed skeleton of a partially constructed apartment building thrust from the slowly quieting streets below, a collection of auto-rickshaws at its base. A short ride on one took me through a series of rambling streets as urbanity faded away, dropping me off in an intersection almost identical to that I had come from. With narry a dumpling in sight I asked for the way to 'bhalo chini-khabar' (good Chinese food) and was directed along a road that after a sharp right turn shrank to a 1-lane, yet surprisingly meticulously paved road, winding amongst ever rising window-less walls, laced and fringed by barbed-wire yet unclear in the reason of their state of lockdown.
At this point things took a turn towards the beautiful surreal, as normal physical spaces and organization gave way to a completely new world that evoked feelings of Utah canyons, a desaturated moonscape, and soviet Russia. This was a neighborhood of tanneries and barracks, many now closed down yet their shells infilled with family apartments, a number of Chinese characters emblazoned on the entrance, perhaps also adorned by an adorable shiny porcelain kitty-cat waving hello and saluting in good luck. These massive structures stood in contrast to the irregular piecemeal jumble of Kolkata architecture that spills itself out upon its streets with little sense of privacy or seclusion. Stark solids with faced eachother across the narrow streets with little perforation or variation, studded by windows nonetheless darkened and masked by screens. While I heard the occasional waft of Chinese verbiage, emanating from an aggravated mother or a television variety program, they remained hidden behind their domestic fortresses, a few spare inhabitants venturing out but strictly atop shiny motorbikes, streaking through these grayed industrial canyons their pale cheeks and cheerfully colored outfits, a smeared memory of color left mingled in their exhaust, bizarre horsemen for this apocalyptic scene. Narrow streets were lined with moat-like gutters, a dark sludgy water idling by, its surface bound by an iridescent membrane, overtones of blue, purple, and silver redundantly driving home these gentle brooks' toxicity. They were wide enough to require a system of tiny bridges - some as simple as a concrete slabs laid across the banks, others more elaborate, feigning Chinese or sometimes orientalized Japanese silhouettes and embellishment.
As I wandered about these endless twisting lanes, I never finally found the 'china-town' I had been hoping to find: lines of stall-sized stores and restaurants, steamed buns and cheap produce. Rather, installed into the sides of these converted tanneries were massive restaurants, announcing their locations deep within the folds of the neighborhood by way of billboards hoisted high above the walled city below. Each proudly touted its bar which, combined with their rather desolate state of emptiness, was an obvious indication that 4 in the afternoon was not the high time to wander about in search of good food and memories of home. After a bowl of rather viscous sweet corn soup at the Hakka House, recommended by a rather jolly man with poor teeth and a plaid lungi wandering about and rather comically upfront about his Muslim background, I stumbled out of the confines of this ghetto, now standing on the edge of a highway, opposite a lush pond fringed with palm trees, traffic whizzing by. Ironically, this was an area I knew, and also knew to be easily traveled and within an hour of my house. A ride on another auto-rickshaw, the electric trolley, and finally a short walk by foot brought me back home in about a third of the time it took to get there originally. However, I'm glad for my solitary errant wander, having gotten a chance to get profoundly lost, feeling a vertigo that has become more unfamiliar each day, grounding myself through the help of many strangers and conversations in surprised Bengali.
As I've gotten more comfortable here, surrounding myself in a small bubble of friends and the familiarity of South Kolkata, this sort of wonderfully confusing wandering has become less frequent, the feeling of truly being in a foreign place fleeting, my life lacking in the novelty and profoundness with which this place is in fact quite richly endowed. As the monsoon ebbs away I hope to get back into this occasional habit, setting out with just enough money to get home in case of emergency, alone, relying on little more than a vague sense of direction and destination, and seeing what happens.
Sadly, I actually took only a single photo to document this particular jaunt... will post when camera works again.
1. Deus ex Machina
Walking to the institute, my roommate noticed several of the cars we were passing had a touch of flair added to their hoods, sitting in stark contrast to the blustery monsoon sky overhead: a garland of marigolds tenderly draped across a gleaming grill or banana leaves tucked behind the ears of a set of headlights, creating a jaunty torch-like effect. Seeing as these decorations were fairly subtle by Indian standards, and rather well dispersed, I thought nothing of it. However his suspicions of a 'machinery' puja taking place were in fact correct. Wednesday and Thursday this past week marked a two-day puja to our leaden cohabitants. As the day wore on more cars plied the streets in similar style, as buses hurtled down busy streets bedecked across the whole of their boxy torsos in a network of garlands and tinsel, like overweight pubescents on the way to prom. Factories big and small closed up, the machinery given a couple days rest while the workers themselves apparently employed themselves with drinking and hollering. Even tiny xerox booths on the street were shuttered, their door-jambs peppered with flower petals, book-ended by tiny green coconuts and terracotta. The neurological scanning clinic on the ground floor of my building was closed, also bedazzled. Pujas have blossomed suddenly on the streets, and the use of a rather friendly, benign, female deity for the representation of this mechanized god is quite interesting. While at first this rather graceful tender figure seemed discordant with the clang and soot of a taxi or a backyard coal hopper, on second thought it makes perfect sense within the common misogynistic perspective. Just as a machine does a man's will under his expectations, never straying save for a malfunction or wear and tear for which he is ultimately responsible, so does this ultra-feminine, delicate goddess represent and fulfill an idealized patriarchal power dynamic. And so man's manifestations of cogs and ball bearings gain something very obviously akin to his desired plunder and domination of the sweetly perfumed bosom. Oh, elbow grease...
2. Chinese Industrial Moonscape with Restaurant (and Bar)
I went the wrong way to get somewhere yesterday. In Kolkata there are a couple 'china-towns', though while I can't speak for the one I have not yet visited, the older 'Tangra' neighborhood Chinatown was nothing like the mixture of sheen and grit that can be found in Amerikan Chinatowns - the familiar strings of alternating fish markets and bubble tea shops spun about a collection of blocks effacing the downtown of most major cities. I'm still not entirely sure if I saw the real 'China-town', though it was where I was pointed to as I asked tea-sipping old-folk on the street for the 'China-lokder jayga', or the 'place of the China people'. (To backtrack for a moment, how I ended up where I did end up...) Rather than asking locals or friends how to get to this part of the city, and where to go within it, I decided that I could simply walk east towards it from a point along the subway route, and sooner or later easilly run into it, red bean buns and paper lanterns announcing my arrival with great pomp. However, Kolkata is not a city of continuity and gradual variation. Rather, through the rather fierce segmentation of the city by railroads, highways and flyovers, government and army installations, and anything else large and imposing, along with social and religious division, what appear to be condensed rural villages suddenly appear along the road leading from a posh inner-city suburb, rice paddies and water tanks interspersed with shopping malls and high-rise condominiums without obvious patterns or planning. Thusly, rather than enjoying a simple walk from downtown Kolkata, from the crowds of shoppers buying their new limes and vermilions for puja, to the golds and maroons of a friendly Chinatown, I first spent an inordinate amount of time walking through neighborhoods of car repair shops and wholesale foam-goods distributors, followed by finding myself caught up in the tumult of the second main train station, Sealdah. I began to cross over the station by way of confusing curving elevated highways with sidewalks, skipping over what momentarily became pastoral below, women in bright saris sauntering about the grass between the railroad tracks below. As I continued, from this point onwards the stares I recieved became more frequent and intense, a mixture of mild hostility and curiosity growing more palpable for the sweaty whitey walking around neighborhoods that have names to very few. Roads gave way to dirt, until suddenly a hollowed skeleton of a partially constructed apartment building thrust from the slowly quieting streets below, a collection of auto-rickshaws at its base. A short ride on one took me through a series of rambling streets as urbanity faded away, dropping me off in an intersection almost identical to that I had come from. With narry a dumpling in sight I asked for the way to 'bhalo chini-khabar' (good Chinese food) and was directed along a road that after a sharp right turn shrank to a 1-lane, yet surprisingly meticulously paved road, winding amongst ever rising window-less walls, laced and fringed by barbed-wire yet unclear in the reason of their state of lockdown.
At this point things took a turn towards the beautiful surreal, as normal physical spaces and organization gave way to a completely new world that evoked feelings of Utah canyons, a desaturated moonscape, and soviet Russia. This was a neighborhood of tanneries and barracks, many now closed down yet their shells infilled with family apartments, a number of Chinese characters emblazoned on the entrance, perhaps also adorned by an adorable shiny porcelain kitty-cat waving hello and saluting in good luck. These massive structures stood in contrast to the irregular piecemeal jumble of Kolkata architecture that spills itself out upon its streets with little sense of privacy or seclusion. Stark solids with faced eachother across the narrow streets with little perforation or variation, studded by windows nonetheless darkened and masked by screens. While I heard the occasional waft of Chinese verbiage, emanating from an aggravated mother or a television variety program, they remained hidden behind their domestic fortresses, a few spare inhabitants venturing out but strictly atop shiny motorbikes, streaking through these grayed industrial canyons their pale cheeks and cheerfully colored outfits, a smeared memory of color left mingled in their exhaust, bizarre horsemen for this apocalyptic scene. Narrow streets were lined with moat-like gutters, a dark sludgy water idling by, its surface bound by an iridescent membrane, overtones of blue, purple, and silver redundantly driving home these gentle brooks' toxicity. They were wide enough to require a system of tiny bridges - some as simple as a concrete slabs laid across the banks, others more elaborate, feigning Chinese or sometimes orientalized Japanese silhouettes and embellishment.
As I wandered about these endless twisting lanes, I never finally found the 'china-town' I had been hoping to find: lines of stall-sized stores and restaurants, steamed buns and cheap produce. Rather, installed into the sides of these converted tanneries were massive restaurants, announcing their locations deep within the folds of the neighborhood by way of billboards hoisted high above the walled city below. Each proudly touted its bar which, combined with their rather desolate state of emptiness, was an obvious indication that 4 in the afternoon was not the high time to wander about in search of good food and memories of home. After a bowl of rather viscous sweet corn soup at the Hakka House, recommended by a rather jolly man with poor teeth and a plaid lungi wandering about and rather comically upfront about his Muslim background, I stumbled out of the confines of this ghetto, now standing on the edge of a highway, opposite a lush pond fringed with palm trees, traffic whizzing by. Ironically, this was an area I knew, and also knew to be easily traveled and within an hour of my house. A ride on another auto-rickshaw, the electric trolley, and finally a short walk by foot brought me back home in about a third of the time it took to get there originally. However, I'm glad for my solitary errant wander, having gotten a chance to get profoundly lost, feeling a vertigo that has become more unfamiliar each day, grounding myself through the help of many strangers and conversations in surprised Bengali.
As I've gotten more comfortable here, surrounding myself in a small bubble of friends and the familiarity of South Kolkata, this sort of wonderfully confusing wandering has become less frequent, the feeling of truly being in a foreign place fleeting, my life lacking in the novelty and profoundness with which this place is in fact quite richly endowed. As the monsoon ebbs away I hope to get back into this occasional habit, setting out with just enough money to get home in case of emergency, alone, relying on little more than a vague sense of direction and destination, and seeing what happens.
Sadly, I actually took only a single photo to document this particular jaunt... will post when camera works again.
September 18, 2008
Week Thirteen (Return)
Back. In India.
In a funny way this return voyage has had an element of symmetry with my short return to Amerikan soil: Strange in and of itself, and also strange in how normal and unpeculiar it all really felt, despite the feeling that all of this should be feeling much more surprising and unusual than it really is. Life picked up where it left off, albeit a little smaller and brighter than it was a few weeks ago. Smaller in a figurative sense, my circle of friends having shrunk considerably (and the current trajectory shows it becoming even tinier), many friends having returned the United States, leaving me a little less entertained than before. Brighter in a literal and definitively non-figurative sense, the tail-end of the monsoon leaving the skies clearer than ever and the sun potently strong, turning the concrete planes of the city into blazingly hot radiation, the outdoors becoming a daunting proposition for most of the day save for a few hours in the very early morning and the evening. The light before I left here was predominantly yellow and red, hot yet sympathetic. Now it's a piercing white, shrinking pupils and inciting groans (at least on my part).
For better or worse it's nice to be back... Palm trees everywhere, piles of trash lining the streets, the occasional cow meandering by, deafening car horns at all hours, that distinctive smell, frustrating and demeaning shouts coming from packs of pubescent boys roaming in packs, religion everywhere and nowhere at once.
The city is getting ready for Durga Puja, in early October, the biggest festival of the year for Kolkata. Temporary temples called pandals are sprouting up all over the city, behemoths of bamboo, tarpaulin, grass, mud, and whatever else is available, subsuming entire parks, streets, and intersections. Every neighborhood collects amongst themselves a ridiculous amount of money to fund these things which stand in their full glory for only a couple weeks. Interestingly, these don't have strictly 'religious' forms, taking on popular motifs and visages - last year's one of the largest in a development called Salt Lake took on the look of the Hogwart's castle, while a fairly revolutionary decentralized design down the street from me is transforming an intersection into what appears to be a pueblo village. I'm attaching a few in-progress photos, but I'm sure things will get more interesting once adornment gets underway.
In other news, while I genuinely do like this place, I'm still often upset by the heteronormativity, pseudo-religiosity, dim-witted 'intellectualism', and hypocrisy that tend to remain under the surface and noninvasive most of the time - relegated to an unfortunate but omnipresent minority - yet also have the tendency to arise in unison...
...That line of thinking was just now interrupted by a rather confusing conversation with my cleaning woman wherein at first I thought she was scolding me for wearing tshirts when I leave my house, saying they're a bad thing to wear for kids my age, though I soon realized she meant I should give her any clothing I don't want when I leave the country for her son who is my age because the clothing he wears is of bad quality. Same words, just with a slightly different arrangement and a hugely different meaning. It happens sometimes... but when things finally make sense it makes me rather pleased. I think I'll give her an extra shirt in addition to the traditional Durga Puja tip.
At one point she said her son has the same body shape as myself, albeit a few inches shorter, yet for the first second it sounded like she was calling me fat.
Oh the joys of foreign language.
My mind has derailed.
See you in a week, internet friends.
In a funny way this return voyage has had an element of symmetry with my short return to Amerikan soil: Strange in and of itself, and also strange in how normal and unpeculiar it all really felt, despite the feeling that all of this should be feeling much more surprising and unusual than it really is. Life picked up where it left off, albeit a little smaller and brighter than it was a few weeks ago. Smaller in a figurative sense, my circle of friends having shrunk considerably (and the current trajectory shows it becoming even tinier), many friends having returned the United States, leaving me a little less entertained than before. Brighter in a literal and definitively non-figurative sense, the tail-end of the monsoon leaving the skies clearer than ever and the sun potently strong, turning the concrete planes of the city into blazingly hot radiation, the outdoors becoming a daunting proposition for most of the day save for a few hours in the very early morning and the evening. The light before I left here was predominantly yellow and red, hot yet sympathetic. Now it's a piercing white, shrinking pupils and inciting groans (at least on my part).
For better or worse it's nice to be back... Palm trees everywhere, piles of trash lining the streets, the occasional cow meandering by, deafening car horns at all hours, that distinctive smell, frustrating and demeaning shouts coming from packs of pubescent boys roaming in packs, religion everywhere and nowhere at once.
The city is getting ready for Durga Puja, in early October, the biggest festival of the year for Kolkata. Temporary temples called pandals are sprouting up all over the city, behemoths of bamboo, tarpaulin, grass, mud, and whatever else is available, subsuming entire parks, streets, and intersections. Every neighborhood collects amongst themselves a ridiculous amount of money to fund these things which stand in their full glory for only a couple weeks. Interestingly, these don't have strictly 'religious' forms, taking on popular motifs and visages - last year's one of the largest in a development called Salt Lake took on the look of the Hogwart's castle, while a fairly revolutionary decentralized design down the street from me is transforming an intersection into what appears to be a pueblo village. I'm attaching a few in-progress photos, but I'm sure things will get more interesting once adornment gets underway.
In other news, while I genuinely do like this place, I'm still often upset by the heteronormativity, pseudo-religiosity, dim-witted 'intellectualism', and hypocrisy that tend to remain under the surface and noninvasive most of the time - relegated to an unfortunate but omnipresent minority - yet also have the tendency to arise in unison...
...That line of thinking was just now interrupted by a rather confusing conversation with my cleaning woman wherein at first I thought she was scolding me for wearing tshirts when I leave my house, saying they're a bad thing to wear for kids my age, though I soon realized she meant I should give her any clothing I don't want when I leave the country for her son who is my age because the clothing he wears is of bad quality. Same words, just with a slightly different arrangement and a hugely different meaning. It happens sometimes... but when things finally make sense it makes me rather pleased. I think I'll give her an extra shirt in addition to the traditional Durga Puja tip.
At one point she said her son has the same body shape as myself, albeit a few inches shorter, yet for the first second it sounded like she was calling me fat.
Oh the joys of foreign language.
My mind has derailed.
See you in a week, internet friends.
Week eleven-twelve (amerika)
It seems only proper to continue this little self-examining venture while on my short hiatus back in the United States, since while every day in India is a barrage of new cultural and sensational blasts – coming in staccato in an ether of dust and rosewater – this time away contributed to refocusing my impressions of my two concurrent 'home' cities, Philadelphia and New York, along with the greater Amerikan psyche and stasis. Already, the first moment back on domestic soil I had my first Sartre-esque pang of misanthropic nausea, as nasalized Amerikan voices rang out in pointless complaint in line in the immigration hall. In the USA there is a pervading fear of silence, that a couple moments without words shared between friends or family somehow serve to reveal a fragility and lacking within the relationship, discrediting its very existence. A second without banter irreconcilably results in knots in stomachs and a a fear-ridden wave of boredom strikes itself upon the faces of all those involved. A pallor develops, along with an incessant need to jabber about something, anything, if only to restore the color in one's jowls.
However it seems that in India these moments are accepted and perfectly allowed, the silence able to permeate the air and hang thickly for several minutes, broken by little more than a cough or the patient chewing of (perhaps) a lukewarm dosa or clump of dal-soaked rice. It is not that Amerikans are somehow magically blessed with an innate knack for witty conversation; rather lulls in conversation are filled with frivolous complaint and often audaciously self-interested and subconsciously prideful pronouncements. There is no passivity, no acceptance, no realization of the minuscule nature of our self-engineered universes of thought and action. While I thought the drone of familiar Amerikan accents might be a welcome sound, instead I stood there largely disappointed in the situation, in 'my people', wistfully wishing myself into the complicated but generally - on a macrocosmic level – more humble and passive culture I had momentarily left behind in India.
'I am on vacation for two weeks in the United States' - A phrase I have pronounced jokingly many times but slowly am realizing the queasy truth to it. I frankly feel like a tourist - not in that I've really been out of country for a hugely long time, but rather that I feel completely untied from this place. I have no obligations, no relationships in flux or requiring of transformation, modulation, moderation. It's rather akin to the same depressing melancholy I experienced when I first got to Kolkata. But now these two places, cultures, spheres are reversed in my mind and my relationship to them. This is novel, of course, but simultaneously oddly exhilarating and alarming. I suddenly feel as if the tourist in the place I've grown up in for so many years (and I repeat this sentiment not so much due to weak or redundant writing, but rather to suggest the ridiculous frequency with which this thought and creeping fear skitters about my mind).
I come back to this city, to New York, yet I feel as if I am floating above, under, and through the crowds, separate and distinct - albeit a feeling inhabiting my own mind and probably not felt or observed by others, who most probably see me as just another face in the crowd rather than an aberrant 'stranger'. (Unlike the case as the rare whitey in Kolkata) I go back to old haunts and new - my brownstone of 2 years, gay bars and clubs, diners and subway cars - each cultural condition now obviously so Amerikan, so unique to this place, blindly stumbling along assuming of their own right of existence and validity without realizing their cultural exceptionalness, the amazing circumstances that have allowed for their formation and continued existence. A mixture of stomach churning brash audaciousness... things so worthy of celebration, parades, sociological texts!
Twinky 20-somethings gyrating on the dance floor to remixed Beyonce, skin sticky with weak vodka tonics, sweat, and probably the saliva of at least a couple of their compatriots, blissfully unaware of the very different circumstances this lifestyle might confront throughout the rest of the world over. And yet, this blissful unawareness, eyelids half closed from the bright lights scooping arcs over the crowd, is in fact a championing of our modern/western social liberalism, an achievement. One can dance with abandon without worry of violating a constitutional amendment (as in India) and ironclad expectations of family and society. My feelings are scrambled and confused, momentarily I want to condemn these people and their narrow perspectives, yet at the same time I want to cheer this brazenness, this thrilling unawareness and the leaps and bounds our society had to have made to allow for this display of ironically basic and instinctual expression, left unencumbered by concern and the potential of real, loaded condemnation.
(NB: To explain the now rather standardized use of the word 'Amerikan' in my posts, seeing as American in truth does not in fact only imply the United States, yet United States-y seems a bit cumbersome to use as an adjective or for citizenry, I've substituted in Amerika/Amerikan, also making a bit of a conscious reference to the ideologies and discussions of the YIPpies back in the day. Though I suppose it's a bit hypocritical of me to make this kind of allusion, considering this whole jaunt is being funded by the good ol' Amerikan gubberment... ha?)
However it seems that in India these moments are accepted and perfectly allowed, the silence able to permeate the air and hang thickly for several minutes, broken by little more than a cough or the patient chewing of (perhaps) a lukewarm dosa or clump of dal-soaked rice. It is not that Amerikans are somehow magically blessed with an innate knack for witty conversation; rather lulls in conversation are filled with frivolous complaint and often audaciously self-interested and subconsciously prideful pronouncements. There is no passivity, no acceptance, no realization of the minuscule nature of our self-engineered universes of thought and action. While I thought the drone of familiar Amerikan accents might be a welcome sound, instead I stood there largely disappointed in the situation, in 'my people', wistfully wishing myself into the complicated but generally - on a macrocosmic level – more humble and passive culture I had momentarily left behind in India.
'I am on vacation for two weeks in the United States' - A phrase I have pronounced jokingly many times but slowly am realizing the queasy truth to it. I frankly feel like a tourist - not in that I've really been out of country for a hugely long time, but rather that I feel completely untied from this place. I have no obligations, no relationships in flux or requiring of transformation, modulation, moderation. It's rather akin to the same depressing melancholy I experienced when I first got to Kolkata. But now these two places, cultures, spheres are reversed in my mind and my relationship to them. This is novel, of course, but simultaneously oddly exhilarating and alarming. I suddenly feel as if the tourist in the place I've grown up in for so many years (and I repeat this sentiment not so much due to weak or redundant writing, but rather to suggest the ridiculous frequency with which this thought and creeping fear skitters about my mind).
I come back to this city, to New York, yet I feel as if I am floating above, under, and through the crowds, separate and distinct - albeit a feeling inhabiting my own mind and probably not felt or observed by others, who most probably see me as just another face in the crowd rather than an aberrant 'stranger'. (Unlike the case as the rare whitey in Kolkata) I go back to old haunts and new - my brownstone of 2 years, gay bars and clubs, diners and subway cars - each cultural condition now obviously so Amerikan, so unique to this place, blindly stumbling along assuming of their own right of existence and validity without realizing their cultural exceptionalness, the amazing circumstances that have allowed for their formation and continued existence. A mixture of stomach churning brash audaciousness... things so worthy of celebration, parades, sociological texts!
Twinky 20-somethings gyrating on the dance floor to remixed Beyonce, skin sticky with weak vodka tonics, sweat, and probably the saliva of at least a couple of their compatriots, blissfully unaware of the very different circumstances this lifestyle might confront throughout the rest of the world over. And yet, this blissful unawareness, eyelids half closed from the bright lights scooping arcs over the crowd, is in fact a championing of our modern/western social liberalism, an achievement. One can dance with abandon without worry of violating a constitutional amendment (as in India) and ironclad expectations of family and society. My feelings are scrambled and confused, momentarily I want to condemn these people and their narrow perspectives, yet at the same time I want to cheer this brazenness, this thrilling unawareness and the leaps and bounds our society had to have made to allow for this display of ironically basic and instinctual expression, left unencumbered by concern and the potential of real, loaded condemnation.
(NB: To explain the now rather standardized use of the word 'Amerikan' in my posts, seeing as American in truth does not in fact only imply the United States, yet United States-y seems a bit cumbersome to use as an adjective or for citizenry, I've substituted in Amerika/Amerikan, also making a bit of a conscious reference to the ideologies and discussions of the YIPpies back in the day. Though I suppose it's a bit hypocritical of me to make this kind of allusion, considering this whole jaunt is being funded by the good ol' Amerikan gubberment... ha?)
September 3, 2008
Week Eight-Ten (Retrograde)
I apologize for my apparent disappearance from the world these past few weeks, though on the advice of a number of people, I'll return to my regular weekly entries upon my return to India in a few days (And also will be posting a special Amerika addition touching on my momentary re-immersion back 'home', written primarily on street corners and in public transportation in the dual orbiting satellites of New York and Philly).
I'm not going to recount everything that finished up my last few weeks of summer in India, though I will post a couple more fruit pictures I valiantly took, but explain away my disappearance in a summarizing manner. Mostly, I suppose I stopped writing because we got an internet connection in our apartment so instead of doing more useful things I endlessly browsed the New York Times website, excusing my laziness as a requisite 'need to stay connected' to 'issues in the United States'. Reading articles on new restaurants and little old women traipsing through the upper west side do not however qualify as pertinent issues. Right now the internet is disconnected and it might stay that way.
More importantly however, my lapse stems from the recent development of a bona fide 'life' developing for me in India, meaning I'm living a little less in my head and more in the world, with people and new acquaintances (both local and foreign) and have recently found myself occasionally busy, a strange change in the mindset of my day to day. This means less time blatantly set aside for staring at ceilings, sweating, and thinking, and more time doing and seeing and thinking as a side effect in between. Also this means some more private and less PG things happening in my life that I don't quite feel comfortable posting on a general 'travel' blog. I want to write about these things but might figure out a way to divvy them out privately. A new small notebook now rests at my side so that I might blog on paper and then type it in later, a tactic that served me well whilst in the United States.
Long story short: a promised return, a more interesting and less redundant line of thought, exciting adventures (one hopes), and eight more months ahead of me back in India.
I'm not going to recount everything that finished up my last few weeks of summer in India, though I will post a couple more fruit pictures I valiantly took, but explain away my disappearance in a summarizing manner. Mostly, I suppose I stopped writing because we got an internet connection in our apartment so instead of doing more useful things I endlessly browsed the New York Times website, excusing my laziness as a requisite 'need to stay connected' to 'issues in the United States'. Reading articles on new restaurants and little old women traipsing through the upper west side do not however qualify as pertinent issues. Right now the internet is disconnected and it might stay that way.
More importantly however, my lapse stems from the recent development of a bona fide 'life' developing for me in India, meaning I'm living a little less in my head and more in the world, with people and new acquaintances (both local and foreign) and have recently found myself occasionally busy, a strange change in the mindset of my day to day. This means less time blatantly set aside for staring at ceilings, sweating, and thinking, and more time doing and seeing and thinking as a side effect in between. Also this means some more private and less PG things happening in my life that I don't quite feel comfortable posting on a general 'travel' blog. I want to write about these things but might figure out a way to divvy them out privately. A new small notebook now rests at my side so that I might blog on paper and then type it in later, a tactic that served me well whilst in the United States.
Long story short: a promised return, a more interesting and less redundant line of thought, exciting adventures (one hopes), and eight more months ahead of me back in India.
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